Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
