His hands were made for my vagina.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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