it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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