Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
