She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
