Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
