It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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