Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.