Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.