rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer