im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience