True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.