From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
