im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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