I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
