you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror