So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
