Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
