proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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