White coat. Heels.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
