guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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