i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
