Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
