Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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