the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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