she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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