worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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