and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize