A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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