Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
