First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
