Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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