If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
