I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
