i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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