A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dicks are not precious.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
