So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
