Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
