I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
