Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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