In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize