I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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