if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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