Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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