How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
