pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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