He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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