so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
