Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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