You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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