haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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