1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
