Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize