he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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