i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
