Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
