the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
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He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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