Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't deserve a penis
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Floor bacon is actually really good
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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