did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
