we have pet lesbian snakes
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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