have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
