hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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